“I wouldn’t mind divorcing myself from twitter and facebook to please my man!” - Anita Enang

Anita Enang is a charming single young lady from Atim Ekpo in Akwa Ibom State, Nigeria. In a chat with Think Akwa Ibom! from her base in London where she has just finished a degree progamme in computing at London Metropolitan University, Anita shares ideas on how Nigerian women could sustain relationship.

If you were to have an unusual birthday offer to meet with someone you've been dreaming of, who would you choose?
Hmmm, Desmond Elliot. I Just like him.

What's the greatest gift you've ever gotten on your birthday?
Prayers from my mum, which was last year. Her Prayers were so touching.

What movie are you seeing?
Holding Hope directed byDesmond Elliot

Showing on cinema?
No, on a site called Iroko tv….. Iam a big fan of Nollywood. I watch Hollywood but not as much as Nollywood.

Now, I have to ask you this. It's typical of Nigerian men who are of age and aren't married yet to blame it on the women they have been meeting. Should women be blamed for this kind of delay?
I blame both the men and the women. No one understands the true meaning of love anymore. A six-month old marriage goes down, and everyone is scared of getting married. For the women, I think we really need to calm down with our men. No man is perfect. Nagging and (unnecessary) reaction to little things can end a ten-year old relationship. The mistake we make as women is that when we have issues with our man, the first thing we do is tell it to a friend who will give us wrong advice. And for the men, when a woman takes all their bullshit they think she's stupid. I just think men should get serious and stop playing games around.

Let's see how a mere argument at home, for instance, could possibly degenerate to something else. Let's take up the word 'bullshit' as used by you in this chat, don't you think it's somehow un-African for a woman to use the word 'bullshit' while addressing her man?
(Laughter) No, a woman shouldn’t use such word to address her man…. What I meant by bullshit here is cheating, lying, beatings etc.

Do you think divorce is un-African?
Yeah, very un-African! But it's a common thing here in London.

So, you wouldn't on any grounds advise a Nigerian sista to file for divorce?
Hmmm, I won't, it's even more dangerous when kids are involved.

If someday your future husband suddenly asks you to shut down your twitter account and divorce yourself from social media, what could be your reaction?
(Laughter) I will ask him why, what are we going to gain from such request?
Well, for the sake of peace I think I will listen to him.

Sure?
Yeah, very sure!

You won't mind folks looking at you as zombie ?

Ahhh, I don't mind-o; all I’ll want is peace as far as he is a good man!

It therefore means you subscribed to the principle of one seeking for peace even at one's own displeasure?
Yeah, if there's no peace, every other thing would be affected.

But the challenge in this kind of principle is that your position may be misconstrued as a sign of weakness and you may be taken for granted even by your own man?
You are very right! Men nowadays want to know your weakness…. I have been in that shoe before.

It seems complicated, somehow. So, how can a woman deal with it?
Very complicated. We should stand by our words, we should have our own rules!

For some reasons, some women in the course of quarrel would prefer to get some slaps than to have her man walk away from, let's say, the dinner table and away from home for like 24 hours?
Ahhhh, but why would a woman prefers slaps? I think the best thing is for the man to walk away.

Yeah, their attitude here is like saying: 'Slap me dear, but stay at home let's settle it.... I can't stand the risk of 'loosing' you for even an hour!'
Yeah, I know that attitude! It's also very risky for him to leave, because anything can happen.

(Laughter) So you know that attitude?
I over know it self…. It is well.

But serious, women should be bold to stand up against abusive relationship?
Yeah, before it gets serious.

What's your definition of a good man?
God fearing. A man that can stand by you no matter what. One that shows understanding, is hard working, has a good heart and is loving.

What's the greatest lessons you've learned from your mum?
Prayer….She's taught me how to pray.

If you had the opportunity to scribble a message on the night sky about your mum (for her and everyone to read), what would you write?
God, thank you for giving me a wonderful mother, she deserves a crown... She sees the best in me.... (She is) my back bone. She is my everything.

I am sure there's something about Akwa Ibom and Nigeria that you are missing?
Afang soup

Editor’s note: You can follow Anita on twitter: @harnitazika